I’m sad to report that the quasi-writer’s block from my first post has struck me again these last few days, and I am now writing this post the night before it is scheduled to be posted. For me, this isn’t normal.
Truth is, I’ve had a terrible week. I’ve been super depressed and demotivated and I’ve spent a lot of time doing nothing. I’m not super sure why this week was a week where I got worse, but there isn’t always a concrete reason.
I didn’t sleep last night and I had a rough morning trying to follow up on referrals that my family doctor was supposed to have made; turns out she didn’t actually submit them all. It’s been over a month since I had my appointment with her and today I followed up on the other programs.
I have no doubt that this post is going to be much harder write than the last one, but it’s also something that has helped me to talk about. I’ve only told a few people the details of my night in the hospital, and it’s a hard memory. The thought of putting it out there attached to my name is terrifying, but, here goes nothing…
Thirteen months ago, I had my worst night so far (and hopefully ever). I can’t even remember why I started crying, but I know that I once I did, I didn’t stop for hours.
I was home with my sister and she was upstairs. I have no idea what she was feeling or thinking, and I’ve been too afraid to ask her since. I just know that she couldn’t come downstairs and hug me no matter how hard I begged.
I wasn’t planning on writing a post like this. I wanted to try and avoid the ‘First Post: Here’s Everything in the World About Me’-thing, but I’m starting to think that it might be inevitable.
I finally decided to write a blog on August 30th (if you’re keeping track, that’s over three weeks ago), and since then, I’ve spent tons (and tons and tons) of time on the design and layout of my website. I think I’ve fallen into the all too common trap of waiting until everything’s perfect to even start on a project. For me, this is nothing new. I’ve gotten a lot better over the years, but my gut reaction is still that I can’t start something until it’s ‘ready’ (read: perfect).