What’s the in-between? It’s the sludgy road from outreach to treatment. The seemingly never-ending battle to convince professionals that you’re sick enough (but not too sick) for treatment. Every day, patients in first-world countries are waiting for treatment for months at a time, and that’s where I am now.
At the end of July, I had my last day of work following my three-weeks’ notice of resignation. The job wasn’t the best for me in many ways, but my main concern was how quickly my mental health seemed to be deteriorating. Even though I was still functioning well, waking up on time, missing little work, and seeming in control of my emotions, I was worried. I’ve seen my relapses come out of nowhere before and I was determined put my foot to the metal to make sure I could cushion my crash as much as possible.
Well, the last two weeks, I haven’t written much (or at all) and I’ve missed it. Just like it did before I started my blog, I’ve sat at my computer and written a few sentences before my mind went completely blank. To be honest, I hated it, but this is what my life is like with depression: it was something so simple that I’d been really enjoying and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. If I were to be more fair to myself, I would admit that I’ve had a lot going on in the last two weeks.
Most importantly, though, these last couple of weeks have felt like something is actually happening and have filled me with a renewed sense of direction and dedication in my recovery. I’m not necessarily feeling better, I just have some strength and passion back. It feels wonderful.
Well, I’ve (finally) made the decision to share my blog on my personal Facebook page this Tuesday for World Mental Health Day! For the last few years, I’ve watched awareness days and weeks pass by while telling myself each time that I’ll post something, say something, but I never have. Every year, after it’s too late, I regret not posting anything.
Mental health awareness, education, and advocacy is super important to me (for mostly obvious reasons) and I’ve rarely shied away from talking about it. Except when it comes to Facebook; I’ve never really mentioned anything about mental health on my most public forum.
I’ve talked a little about how nervous I was to start my blog, and I think that the same goes for posting it on Facebook. But ultimately, it’s something that’s important to me. I’m not ashamed of my illness and it’s important to talk about it, so I will.
No, seriously. I’m asking. What do I do when someone doesn’t want my help?
I tweeted about Anxiety Erica’s post on codependency last week, not only because I think it’s a great post but also because I think it talks about codependency in an unexpected way. It was a post that I could really relate to and one that has really stuck with me. Here’s the point in her post where I had my ‘Aha!’ moment:
Most people have this notion that codependency means you’re "addicted" to each other in a relationship, but it can mean that you’re addicted to helping. Always the cheerleader, encourager, or even mother in any relationship, you are the healer. They come to you for solace, comfort, and contentment.
I do that. I’ve always done that. My siblings (and parents) have bugged me for ‘mothering’ them for as long as I can remember, and so have friends.